Relevant Interest Shift

I’ve been watching a lot of anime (Spell check said anime isn’t a word, huh…) recently. In earlier parts of my life, because I had no computer and simply because I was younger, I watched TV a lot. Not excessively, but I watched it. Now of course, what I watched is very different from what I watch now. Simple cartoons are now replaced by Tosh.0. Bill Nye has turned into The Science channel. And everything else has been flushed through the cracks and reformed into something anew.

But more specifically, I have been watching a lot of my “TV” online now. It’s not exactly TV anymore when you watch it on your computer, but the programming that would otherwise come through the television is now channeled through my computer monitor. But back on the point, which is anime, I have found that I am reacting in a different way than I remember when just watching TV. Maybe its the fact that I’m alone and I can choose to let my expression make itself instead of being continuously aware of others seeing my face. I don’t know why it bugs me, but I remember my mom telling me how my face changed a lot when she watched me watch TV. Of course I have no problem with that, but because of how I am, I’m not one to show much emotion especially on my face. But I have noticed that I have been revealing a great deal, and I mean GREAT deal more than I have ever noticed before. When I think about being in that situation I even get a reaction from just the thought. I noticed my hands start to sweat a lot after I had come back to college from Thanksgiving break at my parents house. It’s really been rather annoying as they seem to sweat even when cold. But the sweating, at least that I have noticed has not been coming from just “being”, but as an actual response to some stimuli. When ever I notice a specific scene within the anime I watch or when I think about the scene (for some reason even thinking about thinking about the scene triggers it too) I can feel that my hands start to sweat. I’ll even notice occasionally a “cold sweat-ish” feel across my arms or legs as if just got scared or something.

I’m beginning to consider that this is a response to an emotional feeling that I seem to be having. The only real confusing thing is, that I don’t really know what this feeling is. Without trying to over simplify it, it seems to resemble happiness. But it doesn’t ACTUALLY feel like a happy feeling to me. Not that it feels bad, but it doesn’t exactly feel like a joyful experience. Of course I could just be an idiot and it could all just be me feeling happy. But I’m just not too sure about it. Another thing is that this also doesn’t always happen as a reaction to a stimuli. I’ve noticed this occur even when I’m not thinking or doing anything.

Dammit, there is just so much crud on my keyboard and mouse now.

I love watching anime but I don’t love sweaty mice and keyboards. Of course when I actually watch the stuff my hands are usually on my lap or I have my arms crossed. But I’ll notice that after a while my hands are just entirely wet. I’ve watched one episode before where at the end my hands were actually pruned. I mean, damn.

At least it’s not a Schewetty Balls problem.

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